ALCOHOMMENTARY: THE WOMBATS – PROUDLY PRESENTS… A GUIDE TO LOVE, LOSS AND DESPERATION

Has it really been over a decade since the release of The Wombats’ first album? That calls for celebration, let’s have some drinks and reminisce. No wait, stop drinking… Stop drinking, please!

With a little help from his friends, this is Callum’s wholly professional and respectable alcoholic review:

Andrew would first like to disclose that the pillows he is currently sitting on accompanied by what seems to be the softest blanket in the world is extremely comfortable.

TALES OF GIRLS!!!! [Boys, and Marsupials]

Give me a better transition of a song, I dare double dare you motherfucker! That guitar riff could make a coma patient start to dance. Andrew has declared Bridget Jones is a sick film, I’m yet to confirm.

 

Asdfghjkl;’dwqhioe [Moving To] NEW YORK!!!!!

I sleep like a baby, don’t know whats his problem

Albums getting boring so Ruperts got a new alarm, but i got a lie in tomorrow so i don’t care. I hope i get to move to big apple. (this is becuase moving to new work was playing fyi).

 

Lost In The Post

Generally i think it’s unfair to blame things o the royal mail a the minute, I mean, did you see the snow?!?! They probably try their hardest and it all seems so cobfusing, but The Wombats just don’t give a fuck. “Signed sealed and lost in the post” seems a bit of a rip off of a certain pianist who had a very similar line, but The Wombats don’t give a sht, sure, they’re pretty vanilla, but they’ll take on Stevie Wonder whenever they Goddam please.

Parties In A Forest [Where’s Laura?]

Raves likes these didn’t died in the nintiesy’ we are are here now because laura is here tonight…is the party not complete without Laura, why is there a need to repate her name? Who is this mysterious woman who dictacts the song.

 

School Uniforms

It’s about lousie redknappy accorndion to andrew\

He keeps on doing the bit with the guitar and the lyrics over and over and over and over and short skirts and long hair and hormones flying everywhere homocide everywhere. School shootings are so bad and the wombats aren’t necesssarily promoting them but they might be talking about them or a bit

Theres a scream at the end and it goes up

 

Here cones the anc=xiety [Here Comes The Anxiety]

For some reasong they keep talking about skirts and heels and ballands

 

Let’s Dance To Joy Division

Everyone knows this soong, matt says it’s the biggest anthem of 2008. ‘Let’s dance to joy division’, it’s a lovely sentiment. It’s just hte best tempo to run on the spo t to . \

I’m not relly the biggest fan of a child choir it seems a little seedy to me

Everyone dnces to joy divison these days, theres no riony

Backfire At The Disco

I’m basicly here tp hear lil missy pip dream

 

Little Miss Pipedream

Now

This is deffo the loveliest one. A proper lovely little tune about llovin an orthodontist

Doo do doo, pipedream!

George of the jungle hitting matt like gnhonerriea apparently

 

Dr Suzanna Mattox PhD

Don’t tell me to stop drinking its an alcholomontarry, im sorry susan I can’t help you, but you can hekpn me with more alchohol, because a party is breaking out, with the sun drawing a close on our day in the sun, but before patricia comes out toplay then HELP ME SUZAN!!!!

 

Patricia The Stripper

So just to confirm, we’re all meeing at bedofrd at half 11 tomorrow for half price breakfast, and if anyone in the world has typified this, it’s the Wombats, they are the human version of half price brekkie, my god, i love half price brekkie, and The Wombats are ight too…]]][opl

Im gonna go aead and thle tbis wk,e ,asg paragrapt without ioming at te scree  . cionsidedering this isnt my aptio then iwill go as far as daying that mt typing has been near anouhj flawless. This album keeps on giving like a chicken in a battery farm, pooping out eggs…..unless its a frerancge cos you wanna be a bit veganitarian

Wy the fuck is matt talking about cheese, is brie the revolution? No matt, it’s fucking cheese

I’m bored of the album now, the ned is shite but Maddy is eating yorkshire puddings and gravy next to me so thats what I’m headed tod o. Good night, yours sincerly santa x

 

Words by Callum McCormack

@McCormackCallum

 

 

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