ALCOHOMMENTARY: SPICEWORLD

The infamous Alcohommentary is back in the form of stalwart pop royalty Spice Girls. Heavily intoxicated writer Nada Olson set to the task of reviewing 1997’s Spiceworld, only to send over the document simply captioned “Sorry about the grammar mistakes”. The following has been (slightly) spell-checked for ease of reading, but we still wish you luck.

 

Alcoholmmentry- SpiceWorldddddddddddddddddddddd 

 

‘Spice Up Your Life’

HELL YEAH THIS IS MY SHITTTTT! They can spice my life up any day. LALALALALALALALALALAAAAA  

SHAKE IT TO THE MOEHERFUCKING LEFT  

Oceana play this, okay? Re-evaltuate your playlist and play this. I’m gonna be watching 

If you’re feeling sad and low fucking listen to this shit you won’t regret it . I want to get on a table right now where’s a table atttt.  

 

‘Stop’ 

Stop what the fuck you are doing and listen to this straight up banger. That tamborine as well it’s all on point. I proper feel the girl power yasssss. CHILDHOOD ME IS LOVING LIFE RIGHT NOWWW what’s your favourite spice girl I fucking loved Emma Bunton she was the best spice.   

 

‘Too Much’ 

Ooooooooo what is this funky stuff wow i’m being slayed this is great I wanna pop on a fancy dress its so groovyyyy!!!! The vocals are so spicyy haha see what I did there? They’re so good can they reunite pleasee im clicking my fingers too much im not typing ahhh sporty spice girll your vocals are great ayyeee.  

 

‘Saturday Night Divas’  

GET DOWN GET DEEPER AND DOWN WHAT THE their saturday nights must be proper cheeky ooo again there’s them funky tuunes  damn emma bunton is my queen I love her. I proper wanna blast this in a car right now with sassy hand points and everything.  

 

‘Never Give Up on the Good Times’ 

That woo in the start that’s when you know shit is going down they know theyre gonna get the party started. That jazzy keyboard in the backgroud too oh yeahhh. Oo ah as much as I loved ginger spice during the brit awards with that iconic british flag dress her vocals are definitely the weakest. 

im sorry to say geri you are the weakiest link good bye.  

These lady bosses telling me to move over. Girl, I will

‘Move Over’

Woah what was that in the start it sounds like bubbles or is it a record scratch it sounds like bubbles. TAKE THE HEAT FEEL THE FLOOR these lady bosses telling me to move over girl I will. 

Dman I wish I could beat box this sounds so cool  

They’ve never sounded so british until now  

 

‘Do It’

ACOME ON AND DO ITTT this song makes me want to start line dancing aww they even have twinkely sounds that’s so cute  

Im in the mood to start a girl group I might start a tribute band dibs on sporty spice so I can high kick wheneber the fucj I want 

 

‘Denying’ 

Oooo this is the song you sing to guy thinking he’s slick and be like fuck off mateee. Im trying to figure out the sound In the background this is so hard but another bevvy wouldn’t hurt  

Sporty spice that high note yes girl you got this  

 

‘Viva Forever’ 

ITS STARTS OFF SO INTENSE I feel like im bein interrogated yeah yeah very intense indeed. They’re haunting me 

 

‘The Lady is a Vamp’ 

Holy shit I fucking love it its so sassy and musical and jazzy and the trumpets  

Theyve left the best song until last I fucking love it.

 

Words: Nada Olson 

https://absolutelynadablog.wordpress.com

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